Of Marriage, ‘Horror’scope and Others…

These days, I am mostly, yeah around 90% OFF ie., far from using Social Networking Sites. Indeed! I have surpassed that age to sit all-day-long and scrapping pals, hunting for fresh pals or even open ‘Love this’ ‘Love that’ communities, which are a thread of useless, junk, sometimes, provoking comments. That being an angle, there is another factual reason and that’s to regretfully ignore best friends, good friends, friends and ‘by mistake’ friends from asking the ever so hateful question of the moment ‘So, when are you getting married?’

Two years ago, when shot this question, I would gleefully say “A good 5 years more dude!” But now, when I am just about to have a silver jubilee completion party next month, I am a little embarrassed, more arrogant and mostly ignorant to the question whenever asked. Its not like I didn’t try the objective type answers like ‘yes’ meaning Soon, ‘No’ meaning ‘Not at all’, 'May be' meaning ‘Planning to’! Any of the above answers would soon spray a cloud of questions. Love or arranged? Software engineer or Manager? Mallu (Fish eating) or Non-Mallu? Having been through this hazard, and hating it from the core of my heart, I chose to simply keep shut from this questioning lot.

The next lot are ‘Eyes only’ ones. Let me explain that. Either in form of colleagues, sometimes neighbors and sometimes, this is the mother of all, ie., your worst enemy (mostly relatives).

Instances: A never seen or heard neighbor! Apparently, she had been watching us (my family) closely for a few days. On a bright sunny day, as my getting-old and hair-greyed dad, was on his way to our newly made house, he is stopped by this ‘still stranger’ woman.

SW: “I see you everyday passing this way. Coming back after dropping you elder daughter eh?”
D: huh! (sounding slightly lost) : “ Ya, actually a kind of morning walk!”
SW: “That’s good. Heard you also have another daughter. Probably not married yet?”
D: ‘Yeah Yeah right!”
SW: Nice. So someone told me you are Nairs?
D(proud): that’s right
SW: Good. Even we are. My son is ……….(intro abt the son)
D: Gets the hint
SW: So whats her star sign? (Mallu star sign)

Wow.. that’s easy aint it? Spy spy till you get to snatch your neighbour’s daughter. Ah you wish!

My dad, not truly interested, shyed away by saying “stars wont match  thank you”. I thought he was wise in giving a reason like that and scooting away. But that’s not true. He actually had met a pandit, god knows when? and got a list of 8 stars that would not match with mine. And boy, he has the list mugged! Just mention the star sign and he would readily say a ‘yes or no’. Hahaha works to my advantage strangely, coz out of the 12 stars, 8 don’t match. Thanks pandit ji!

2nd instance: A brave heart blood relative

It was more than 3 years back, when there was a big tiff between two families and we became rival gangs for one another.

So, on another bright, sunny day, this mammoth rival enters our new house. Sweets in hand, gift for the little one, apology for the elders and finally a warm hug to ME. EWWWW… I was fuming. Knew not, what this old-blood-stud meant!

With a cheeky grin, I left to work only to come back and hear from my dad: “He has an NRI (Non-reliant Indian) in mind for you”.
Me: “SO?”
D: The stars match, just need to match the horrorscope.
Me: Oh, I thought if the stars match, it’s a Match!
D: “The two horrorscopes will be taken to a pandit. He will match them, and then say on a scale of 10, how much you both together would weigh” Sorry, he meant would rate.
Me: And the minimum should be?
D: About 8!

Hhahahaha. I can’t but stop myself from laughing non-stop on hearing this. Certainly not questioning the cultural ways, but if a pandit can rate all couples so well, then why would any married couple call it off after a while?

Well… all is fair in a country that’s orthodox, highly religious and mostly anti-love marriages. As for me, I believe the man just needs to be sane and not necessarily giving the test and ranking 8 on the pandit meter! For now, please people just let me celebrate my silver jubilee of existence without having to frown about it!