Little, Swalpa, Konjam, Ithiri, 'Extra Spice’

‘Spice up your life man!’ was one of the most commonly used catch phrase during college. It was the easiest way to coax your friends for a movie or for a late night party. Then, I loved this wacky statement, as I thought it was just a kick ass line that could empower anyone.

Strangely, now, I hear this phrase from a certain sect of people over and over again. These are people who are supposedly in a ‘relationship’ or are ‘married’ to the one they thought was very special. Whenever, I raise a few questions about the authenticity of marriage, my married friends say, "Chillax gal, everybody needs some extra spice in life'!

The other day, I read this news bit about a techie who smothered his wife to death in Bangalore and then killed himself. The guy, a infy geek, had apparently suspected his wife’s fidelity and had pictures of her with her ‘alleged’ boyfriend gathered. On gaining substantial evidence, he resorted to this extreme step.

Ah, nope, I am not writing this in support of the guy nor due to any empathy towards the gal. Their story just gave me the right news peg for my next blog. ‘Fidelity’, ‘illicit relationship’ “extra-marital affairs’ are all quite fancy but a dangerous predicament. Of late, I have come across a lot of married couple, who are not quite content with their marriage. Be it a love marriage or an arranged marriage, both forms seem to be taking a beating. Some of the common reasons: “You never give me my space”, “You think I didn’t notice you ogling at your friend’s girlfriend”, “you don’t satisfy my wants completely”, “Having a fuck all sex life”, “I meet my husband once a year”, “She doesn’t keep my mum and dad happy!” and the best of all is “Unfortunately, I found my true love after marriage”!

Well, seems like genuine problem all of them. So where lies the solution? Divorce? Hmm… may be, but not exactly. Believe me, that’s not even an option these guys think about. For such couple, everything else is genuine than a divorce. I am quite sure, its not that they still believe, marriage is a ‘janam janam ka’ bond and stuff. They know that filing for a divorce, attending those meaningless counceling sessions, paying the lawyer everyday for his chai paani and worse waiting for a minimum of four years for a legal separation! Uff... that’s indeed quite a lot of work! An extra-marital affair now, seems like the next best bet.

Are you wondering why I say this? Everyone has a problem or two with their spouse. However, the reason at times ain’t just strong enough to separate from each other completely. It is possible to manage and live with each other despite these differences keeping in mind the family sentiments and the brutal societal treatment. But how? Huh… “just add some extra spice machii!”

Afterall, who would mind a double dhamaka offer? A 24-hr maid service at home or a chalta phirta male companion as a symbol of security is no harm right? And for your other requirements, there’s always room for another person who can fulfill the needs that your dear husband or wife is unable to.

Now, this is exactly the kinda spice that pisses me off. People don’t realize that these spicy ingredients, gives way to physical and mental abuse, depression, trauma for family, mental block in children and so on so forth. I believe, it is really not bad, to call off such a lose-hanging relationship and start afresh. If nothing helps in a steady married life, its better to call it off. But that’s exactly where the crux of the problem is. Its not practical for someone to wait for six years to get a legal separation. So in which case all the above spice is automatically added.

So then what is the solution? Blame the Judiciary? Blame the culture? Blame the society? Or yourself, for choosing ‘the one’. Difficult to answer and depressing to think. Its tough to take a call.

"Blame it on me" by Akon